Writing state of mind

I can't seem to get into a writing state of mind. Only a minor issue.... I seem to hit these pockets in my day sometimes where I can just sit down and type out two really solid pages of writing in less than hour, which is great, except that this does not happen nearly often enough. I know I have the energy to do this more, it's like this weird productive energy boost that I get, and my mind just gets spinning with all these ideas. The question is how to focus this energy a few times a day rather than once every two or three days. Basically, thinking of my thesis as one really long (really really long) research paper is too overwhelming, so I'm trying to think of it more as six shorter (but still significantly long) mini papers (which are my six chapters). If I can make myself deadlines for each of the chapters, then I think I'll be good, and I wanted to gage that based on how long it takes me to write the first chapter, but I think that this first one is going slower only because I haven't found my routine yet. But I'm getting there...

My next question is how much of my midyear report can I kind of transpose into my thesis. Because really my report is a condensed outline of my thesis, and I really like the way I fit things together, so it would be great if I could take that and just expand. But I don't know how tricksy they will be with using my own work (on the same project, mind you) in terms of plagerism etc. Will have to look into that...

What I've learned from the past two days (and looking at my schedule to come), I definitely underestimated how busy I would be this semester. On paper it doesn't look so bad, a meeting here, a seminar there, lab a couple times a week, but when it all gets put together, and then other little things pop up, like having to clean the house for tomorrow's 'monthly' house inspection (this will be our second inspection since I moved in 5 months ago...) which we just found out about yesterday, for instance, all of a sudden my time is pretty much gone. I do like the pressure of such a structured, busy schedule, but I'll like it more once I have a handle on it and make it more routine (rather than something out of the ordinary and frazzled, as it feels at present).

Also, I did some more research on my back-up med school in the Caribbean. Looks good, but I'm thinking I should just get my application out now rather than waiting a month as I had originally planned, because as with all my other apps, it's rolling admissions so the sooner the better. But I do need to think about a)whether I want to apply for their special scholars program for those interested in medicine for underserved populations and b)whether I want to apply to start in January (rather than August). If I do apply for the scholar program, that would mean one year in England (instead of the Caribbean), one year in the Caribbean, and then two years in either the US/UK for rotations... Do I want to give up a year in the Caribbean to be in the UK another year? But if that means I get to do this amazing program...tricky, tricky... And starting in January is so tempting because then I can actually see this program that I'm doing now all the way through, attend my own graduation in November, and have a month or so to catch my breath. However, I need to do a little more research and find out how this would affect my application to residency programs once I finish my four years, because that's not something I'm willing to mess with just to make things easier for me now...

That being said, I cringe every time people ask me how med school applications are coming now. I know people are just trying to be supportive, and I really do appreciate that, but I'm already crunched under the evil monster that is the waiting game. For one, it's hard not knowing whether I'm going to get in, and ultimately be one step closer to my dream job. In addition, I'm a planner, and not knowing where I will be in just five months is really hard, particularly when my thesis deadline is fully dependent on those plans. Yes, I'm going to try to set my thesis for July regardless of my future plans, because it would be nice to have it done either way to be honest, but still. Not knowing is really difficult. I'm such a patient person normally, and I was totally fine up until about a week ago. Now I'm starting to get anxious, which is so pointless because there's nothing I can do about any of it at this point, so what's the use in stressing. In any case, I feel like one of these days someone is inevitably going to ask how it's all going and in response I'm just going to explode. Don't worry people, if things work out, you'll know about. If they don't...you'll know about it, if only because I may just end up staying in St Andrews forever to avoid returning to the real world...that or running off to a foreign country somewhere never to be heard from again...

Now that I've ranted away here, time to get back to work. Or take a study break. I think I need to exercise more, too much energy...

Let's watch some football

A cultural experience I've missed recently, going to the pub for an afternoon of football (soccer). When I was here a couple years ago, I definitely did this more, but for whatever reason have missed out this time around. Anyway, finally made my way to the pub this afternoon for the Celtic vs. Rangers game. I'd say the majority of people at The Rule were overly excited when Celtic won 3-0, but poor Jamie sitting next to me was a bit put off by the Rangers sad performance. Better luck next time...

Spent the past hour writing some more thesis, 5 pages in now. I imagine (hope) that writing will pick up after a bit and that it's just taking me a little time to get into it. At the moment, I'm more or less ranting about the subjectivity of psychiatric diagnosing. Fun times.

And it's now time to go play pool at the union with Kate, because it's free on Sundays and because no one can get work done on a Sunday evening anyway (or so I tell myself).

I also have been thinking about where to go for spring break at the end of next month...I have two weeks off, so I need to go somewhere, preferably at low cost, anywhere that is not St Andrews for a little while. Where should I go?

Chimney Sweeps, Tribal Bops, Arts and Crafts, and Kitchen Parties

Apologies for being so rubbish at updating here. This past week has been busy, busy, chalk full of work and fun. Last week ended on a really good note work-wise; I got loads done, and slowly but surely my thesis is beginning to be written up. As a reward for my good work, I gave myself the weekend off, which seemed like a great idea at the time, but also made Monday that much harder. And I will start lab demonstrating again this week. The first lab practical will actually be out on the beach, looking at seaweed samples and rocks and things...just hoping the rain isn't too bad while we're out there tomorrow and Thursday afternoon.

Thursday night I went to a Victorian-themed party. Mostly people I didn't know, but it was really fun. People tended to dress up as chimney sweepers, it was cute. Friday night I went out for a couple drinks at one of my favorite pubs. I made friends with one of the bartenders, who I'd met through some friends last semester but hadn't spoken to in months, he now makes fun of me because I frequent his pub so much (not really that much...once or twice a week maybe?). Then I ended up at the "Tribal Bop" at the student union, basically people dress in their dorm colors with face paint and everything, good fun. After enjoying an hour of free pool playing at the union with Kate Sunday evening, I came back to the house and joined Sarah and Lucy for arts and crafts fun--so relaxing, we decided this must be a weekly occurrence. Last night I went for some cocktails and drinks with some friends, and planning just to go to bed when I got home at 1am found a bunch of people in my kitchen with one of my housemates. They were having so much fun that I decided to stay up a bit longer, which somehow turned into 4 hours before I actually made it upstairs...I love my house. Also, my friend Emily has let me use her piano whenever I like so I've been getting back into practicing more, still not as much as I would like, but it makes me happy to get some music out again.

Much feared goat

Not a whole lot going on in the past week and a half since I last posted...The second half of the inter-semester break was not so exciting, which isn't such a bad thing. It was actually pretty relaxing, I slept in a lot, and while I got some work done, there was a significant lack of stress. That being said, only two days into the semester and I'm already feeling like I'm falling behind. After taking the speed reading postgrad seminar last week, I tried signing up for a few more seminars for the next few weeks, but keep getting put on the waitlist. How is it that only two days into the semester all these things are already overbooked? How was I supposed to know that I should have signed up for them weeks ago? It's organized so casually I really didn't think it would be such an issue. Oh well, can't really do anything about it now... And I'm already two days behind my proposed thesis-writing schedule, which isn't really a big deal, except that I feel like it's a bit early to already be behind schedule, no? And again, wouldn't be a problem because I was going to use tomorrow to catch up (totally doable), until I got a few emails from my supervisor today suggesting that I apply to present at a conference next fall for which the application deadline is Friday, along with some suggested reading that I go over before our meeting on Thursday morning. All of a sudden I'm feeling like there is so much more I'm supposed to be doing that I haven't been getting to nearly quick enough. Right, so much for starting my thesis this week...

On top of that, I'm still not getting good news from med schools, which is frustrating. And by that I mean, I got another rejection and have yet to hear anything from places I've already interviewed. I realize that's not such a bad thing, and in the worst case scenario I do have back up plans, but it's still a mood killer. No fun. And it's not made any easier by people seeming so sure that I will get in SOMEWHERE given the strength of my application. You would think, but it's one of those things that's just easier said. It is true that I just need ONE place to accept me, but it's really hard to stay positive in this process.