Writing state of mind

I can't seem to get into a writing state of mind. Only a minor issue.... I seem to hit these pockets in my day sometimes where I can just sit down and type out two really solid pages of writing in less than hour, which is great, except that this does not happen nearly often enough. I know I have the energy to do this more, it's like this weird productive energy boost that I get, and my mind just gets spinning with all these ideas. The question is how to focus this energy a few times a day rather than once every two or three days. Basically, thinking of my thesis as one really long (really really long) research paper is too overwhelming, so I'm trying to think of it more as six shorter (but still significantly long) mini papers (which are my six chapters). If I can make myself deadlines for each of the chapters, then I think I'll be good, and I wanted to gage that based on how long it takes me to write the first chapter, but I think that this first one is going slower only because I haven't found my routine yet. But I'm getting there...

My next question is how much of my midyear report can I kind of transpose into my thesis. Because really my report is a condensed outline of my thesis, and I really like the way I fit things together, so it would be great if I could take that and just expand. But I don't know how tricksy they will be with using my own work (on the same project, mind you) in terms of plagerism etc. Will have to look into that...

What I've learned from the past two days (and looking at my schedule to come), I definitely underestimated how busy I would be this semester. On paper it doesn't look so bad, a meeting here, a seminar there, lab a couple times a week, but when it all gets put together, and then other little things pop up, like having to clean the house for tomorrow's 'monthly' house inspection (this will be our second inspection since I moved in 5 months ago...) which we just found out about yesterday, for instance, all of a sudden my time is pretty much gone. I do like the pressure of such a structured, busy schedule, but I'll like it more once I have a handle on it and make it more routine (rather than something out of the ordinary and frazzled, as it feels at present).

Also, I did some more research on my back-up med school in the Caribbean. Looks good, but I'm thinking I should just get my application out now rather than waiting a month as I had originally planned, because as with all my other apps, it's rolling admissions so the sooner the better. But I do need to think about a)whether I want to apply for their special scholars program for those interested in medicine for underserved populations and b)whether I want to apply to start in January (rather than August). If I do apply for the scholar program, that would mean one year in England (instead of the Caribbean), one year in the Caribbean, and then two years in either the US/UK for rotations... Do I want to give up a year in the Caribbean to be in the UK another year? But if that means I get to do this amazing program...tricky, tricky... And starting in January is so tempting because then I can actually see this program that I'm doing now all the way through, attend my own graduation in November, and have a month or so to catch my breath. However, I need to do a little more research and find out how this would affect my application to residency programs once I finish my four years, because that's not something I'm willing to mess with just to make things easier for me now...

That being said, I cringe every time people ask me how med school applications are coming now. I know people are just trying to be supportive, and I really do appreciate that, but I'm already crunched under the evil monster that is the waiting game. For one, it's hard not knowing whether I'm going to get in, and ultimately be one step closer to my dream job. In addition, I'm a planner, and not knowing where I will be in just five months is really hard, particularly when my thesis deadline is fully dependent on those plans. Yes, I'm going to try to set my thesis for July regardless of my future plans, because it would be nice to have it done either way to be honest, but still. Not knowing is really difficult. I'm such a patient person normally, and I was totally fine up until about a week ago. Now I'm starting to get anxious, which is so pointless because there's nothing I can do about any of it at this point, so what's the use in stressing. In any case, I feel like one of these days someone is inevitably going to ask how it's all going and in response I'm just going to explode. Don't worry people, if things work out, you'll know about. If they don't...you'll know about it, if only because I may just end up staying in St Andrews forever to avoid returning to the real world...that or running off to a foreign country somewhere never to be heard from again...

Now that I've ranted away here, time to get back to work. Or take a study break. I think I need to exercise more, too much energy...